How To Have Your Own Personal Victory Moment


Yesterday I was able to have a personal victory moment and it felt so good!

My husband said something to me that hurt my feelings, but I totally understand his view. It’s just the WAY that he said it that bothered me. I had had a busy day (meetings and tutoring) and the house was kind of messy. My husband, who is the cleaner and more organized spouse (I know—that is strange—usually it’s the other way around!) became upset by the mess and expressed this to me.

I was upset because I felt that I had spent my day in very positive ways, contributing to my community. Anyway, in the past such a “spat” with my husband would bring me really down. Yesterday, I chose to remain calm and build my inner strength. I did not respond “in kind” to my husband’s upset tone of voice.

I tried to find solutions, such as respecting his feelings and trying to clean up. I excused myself from his presence when I was feeling hurt by his attitude.

Later, when I was calmer, I explained to him why the house was messier than usual.

I consider this a personal victory moment because the story could have been totally different. I could have responded back to my husband in an equally bothered tone. I could have “flipped out” as many people unfortunately do. But, Alhamdulillah, I chose to BE CALM and follow chapter 10 of my book: “Make calmness and inner peace your base feeling.”

So how can you have your own victory moment? Learn to bring yourself back to inner peace and calmness the next time you feel like “flipping out.” Train yourself to be calm as your base feeling. You will feel proud of yourself, I promise!

Here is a great quote from “Happy for No Reason” by Marci Shimoff:

“Every single time you make a choice to respond in a way that expands you and creates more peace and well-being, you’re strengthening your ability to make that same positive choice in the future. This is empowerment; it moves you from being a victim to being a victor.”

P.S. My husband is a wonderful human being and I do not mean in any way to discredit his good qualities!


  1. Lindsey

    Good job, Sheima! I know that those little victories really make all the difference when it comes to healthy relationships. It can be hard for me to break out of my habit of getting defensive when I’m criticized. I am trying very hard to respond calmly whenever someone makes me upset. It’s especially hard when that person is my husband, because he’s the one I trust with the protection of my feelings. Usually, he’s the one who calms me down when something else upsets me, and I couldn’t ask for a more supportive husband, but, of course, spouses argue and there is tension in any relationship.

    Yesterday, I got a little emotional when a hot-button issue came up. But I knew where he was coming from and I could see that he was hurt too. So I took some deep breaths, showed him that I understood his perspective and promised to be more respectful of his needs, but I also told him what I needed. Feeling listened to, understood and loved helped me tremendously, and the evening went on better than before, as if a weight had been lifted.

    Our feelings feed into each other and are mirrored back onto each other. That’s why it’s so easy to get angry when we perceive anger in our direction. I’m trying to look to the love behind the tension and, secure in that love, answer in love as well.

    1. Sheima (Post author)

      Very wise words, Lindsey. Thank you for sharing your personal story and insights. Calm and honest communication based on love is the best!

  2. Farah

    Thank you for sharing! I think we can all definitely relate to these types of situations. Lately, I have been better about not responding right away also. It has definitely improved the number of positive interactions with my hubby. Great advice!

    1. Sheima (Post author)

      Thank you for your positive words, dear sis!


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