For example, if you want to have a happier marriage, think about that. Think about how that would look and feel. If you are reading this post, it probably means that you want to be happy. But do you really want to be happy?
This may seem like a funny question, but some people don’t love themselves enough to sincerely want to be happy. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself” (Bukhari, Muslim). We are taught as Muslims to love one another as we love ourselves. But this assumes that we love ourselves. Do we really love ourselves? How can we love others as we love ourselves…if we don’t really love ourselves?
So what do you really want?
I have a dear friend who comes to me for counseling sometimes. Recently she was telling me how she cannot be alone and how she cannot even cross the street to go grocery shopping alone. She could not think of any rational reason for her fear of being alone. I asked her to tell me what she wants. She proceeded to tell me how she is so dependent on others and how she cannot do anything by herself. I repeated my question, “What do you want?” She repeated that she feels weak and that she is very afraid of being by herself. After a few minutes I informed her that she never answered my question, “What do you want?” She has a Master’s degree and is a very educated woman, but she could not tell me what she wants. She was so busy thinking about what she doesn’t want that she could not shift her thinking to what she does want. I helped her out by saying that perhaps she wants to feel calm and be able to go to the grocery store by herself. It is a simple answer, yet we are so used to thinking in terms of what we don’t want!
Whenever you have a problem, take a minute to think about what you want. Perhaps write it down. For example, if you are about to meet or talk to someone and you feel nervous; perhaps you don’t like that person very much–think about how you would want your meeting to go. Imagine how you would want to feel. Just setting your mind on how you would like situations to go automatically makes you feel better.
HAPPINESS HINT: Whenever you have a problem or any negative emotion, think about what you want. Perhaps write it down to make it clearer.
One practice that I have started to do is to keep an online journal called “How I Want My Life To Be.” I like to use Google Drive for this journal, because you can continually save documents to your Google Drive account and you can access it wherever you have internet. So I have a document in which I write down different areas of my life, such as health, relationships, or any specific situation, and then I write what I want in that area. Writing what I want or how I want a situation to go really helps me to set my mind on what I want rather than what I fear.
Below is the link of an excellent E-Book (recorded on Youtube) that teaches you about Positive Affirmations (Thoughts) and How They Can Help You to Change Your Life: